I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
