i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
