So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
