In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
