I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
