i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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