I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
