Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
