I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
