My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
