I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
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I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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