I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
did i walk over a car last night?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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