I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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