She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
