i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
