I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
