saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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