Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
