My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
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Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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