we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
