i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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