he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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