I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
