HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
