I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
bring money and cleavage
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
