Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Randomize
