she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
