I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
