Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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