the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
