The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
