You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
false alarm, still single
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
