phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
