I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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