just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
