This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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