Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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