i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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