I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
