if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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