sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
