Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My feet surprised me
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