Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
