I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
