The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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