I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
