FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
