also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
