apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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