hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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