I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
