We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
