She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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