did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
