Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
