She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
