You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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