I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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