HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
