i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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