I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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