glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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