Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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