If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
