Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
