dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
