He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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