i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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