Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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