My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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